Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Recently the New York Times asked “How do you decide to get rid of a book.” The answers from six authors and one book store owner are worth reading if you too are the ‘ I would rather read than have sex, what bestsellers are on sale this week, I want to die in my favorite book store’  kind of person.

Which books we get rid of goes to the root of what type of readers we are. I read fiction and biographies to relax and for the escapism into a different life and someone else’s reality. If I don’t like it I pass it on or take it to the second hand book store. I am not snobbish about my library; hardback, trade paperback or written in the margins from a garage sale if I enjoyed reading it….it stays.

As a business coach business books get rotated quickly as they have to be current. There are of course the classics that all entrepreneurs should read such as: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, Guerrilla Marketing by Jay Conrad Levinson, The E-Myth by Michael Gerber or the timeless Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich

The majority of life self-help books are overly clichéd and devoid of any genuine long term life solutions, unless it is exceptionally thorough I don’t buy much of the self-improvement genre. This criterion makes it easy to maintain a manageable selection.

While I have a minimalist attitude when to clutter in general, obviously this doesn’t seen to apply when it comes to books.There are piles in the living room and dining room, my office shelves are full and what does the top of my beautiful antique bedside table look like any way? I’ll just put a basket underneath to catch the spill off and stop it from groaning.

I can definitely relate to Joshua Ferris sentiments in his last line of the NY Times piece “………..I leave and come back, and the books I find there tell me I’m home.”

I must also confess that while I will not read about what famous people are wearing, eating or where they vacation; I am curious about what books they are reading. So Lesley Jane Seymour , Al Gore,  Rahm Emanuel, Jeff Bezos, Steve Jobs, Michaëlle Jean, Angela Merkel what are you taking to bed?

We have made the decision to take a week off in August but not go away. A list of day trips to take, new restaurants to try, movies to see, gives our staycation the facade of a good idea. But I am wondering how will this really play out? It seems inevitable that already some home improvement projects are writing themselves onto the list.

As a Life Coach I have learned how to manage having an office at home. I balance in-office clients with remote coaching by using virtually any available media at my disposal. And I like the added benefit that I can sometimes squeeze in a few minutes of The View’s Hot Topics between morning sessions. Although I will take the usual steps to close my practice for that week I am somewhat leary of the fact that my work will be surrounding me in some form or other.

Then there is a bigger picture, that I don’t particularly care for where we live. I am most myself on a bustling city street or by the ocean and the fact that for now I call a rather rural part of Alberta home is difficult for me at the best of times.

I grew up a city girl; the art of hailing taxis and reading French menus was learned at young age. I know the secret of finding community & friends in your own corner of London, Brussels or Toronto. I thrive in the world of bistros, museums & the theater, city parks at lunch time and knowing when & where the best bargains are in otherwise expensive stores.

Living among all these flat fields feels well, claustrophobic. A vacation should include walks by the sea; that takes me into my own personal nirvana. Therefore the sensible decision to stay home this year is also compounding my personal frustration that by midlife I would be living in a place which truly felt like home.

I know that a better attitude might allow for some modicum of success.  Somehow though my psyche and midlife soul are just not feeling this turn of events. I don’t believe that a staycation can offer what a vacation does, I’ll let you know.

I love words whether written, spoken or sung they have power. They can expand us with knowledge or debilitate us with emotion. The art of communication isn’t in the number of words used, as less wordage & fewer sentences often enables us to process the genuineness of character or content without clutter. Well informed people know that it is best to keep their answers brief and to the point. When you give a confident woman a compliment she merely smiles and says ‘thank-you’.

My respect for words leaves me with a dislike for anything that has a whiff of censorship. If you don’t like the words discard the book, leave the theater or change the channel.  It is in that context that I find myself in the surprising position of agreeing with Sarah Palin when she took offense to David Letterman’s recent joke. The content of that part of his monologue  left a bitter taste that even changing the channel didn’t erase. He has apologized and Palin accepted the apology in a 94 word statement in which she even managed to even make mention of the US military. Perhaps a short ‘I accept your apology’ would have been more appropriate and a little less opportunistic or better yet maybe a tweet would be good practice for the always wordy Ms. Palin.

The world of words has changed even in the short period of time since she ran for vice-president. Political protests are being covered in 140 characters, iconic newspapers no longer exist and this summer people will be enjoying there favorite beach book on devices like Kindle.

I had better end this post before I too am overly wordy or as a writer friend of mine emailed me this week while gathering research for an upcoming article ……….sometimes it is better to shut up, stop writing and listen.

1. Turn off the TV and computer
2. Take every opportunity to travel
3. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled
4. Laugh a lot & be spontaneous
5. Volunteer or work for less money if you are passionate about something
6. Be open to new people, food and experiences
7. Be creative, use your imagination
8. Record your life – Keep a  journal or take photographs
9. Enjoy being independent
10. Be wary of credit cards
11. Love with honesty and respect

Have no fear, make mistakes & live in the center of your life

There are positive things about midlife. Goals and life priorities are clearer. Never a people pleasing, cannot say no kind of woman, I now care even less what some people think about me.  I no longer worry about dust bunnies, the dogs muddy paws and how the towels are folded. I concentrate on the people and things in my life that are important to me and let all the rest go with a shrug of my shoulders.

Time has also made me a more relaxed cook and that has actually improved the meals coming out of the kitchen. I do pre-plan and shop a week ahead of time. A habit that is economically sound and allows me to make sure that I am preparing well balanced meals, especially with a diabetic beloved.

Some nights though a meal is two parts non-fuzzy things from the frig, one part what is left in the vegetable basket, combined with 1 1/2 cups of a non-descriptive rice or pasta from the cupboard. These meals are usually really tasty and it amuses me when  Chris says “We should have that again”.

When I have finished writing this post I am off to the Saturday Farmers Market, where I will pick up some fresh baking. Because while I may love home baked cookies, I also know that I don’t need to be the person measuring out the flour & chocolate chips in order to have some.

They’re out there, lurking at reunions, springing up at cocktail parties, possibly in your own living room and the numbers are growing expeditiously every year, they are The Reminiscer.

While usually around 45 or older and quite normal in appearance, conversation can be limited and often leaves you craving a milkshake or something much stronger.

Here are the signs that you have encountered The Reminiscer.

1. When invited to a costume party they have to look no further than their closet for a poodle skirt or bell bottoms.

2. Sentences usually start with “Do you remember when………… or “When I was…………”

3. Their knowledge of music ended around 1968. Some haven’t read a newspaper since then either.

4. You mention last nights episode of Heroes and they come back with the highlights from the Doo Wop revival on PBS.

5. If they have a computer they use it to forward jokes or to email you that Fleetwood Mac is having a reunion tour.

6. On their coffee table is a copy  of their high school year book and its’ not dusty.

While I can get as dewy eyed as the next midlifer when I hear the Righteous Bothers’ Unchained Melody I also happen to like Katy Perry’s, I Kissed a Girl. I think that I will keep my life balanced between Woodstock and Twitter, for me that is what makes life interesting.

Jill Crossland is the founder of Jill Crossland Coaching and TimeFinders Online Magazine; companies that offer multi level services and resources for today’s 40+ woman.

In her role as the editor of TimeFinders Online Magazine she works to ensure, that the content is always relevant and useful. The writers and contributors are not usually famous, they are women who can truly empathize with the readers; living in the real world of raising children, caregiving, running businesses, navigating (peri)menopause and trying to find time for that hair cut and manicure!

Jill has also created a place where women can find the help that they need in their personal or professional life, so be sure to check out the Create Your Team area of her website.

As a Life and Business Coach, Jill’s coaching style is down to earth and practical. She works with clients across North America and through Skype is able to provide international and video calls. All consultations are followed-up with emails that include detailed session notes, resources & subsequent ongoing support.

She is a regular contributor to The Best Kept Secret, writes a widely read blog and has been a guest on Jungle Red Writers and Pink Expertise. Jill is also a members of  WHO, NABBW, Wheatland Business Women and Canadian Women Business Network. You can also visit her on Facebook, Linked In and Chapter’s online community.

Jill’s Personal Profile:

Jill was born in Nottingham, England. Her first job was as assistant to an antique dealer in Toronto’s Yorkville area. Growing up she lived in many different countries which has helped to develop a very balanced perspective and greater empathy for people and women in particular. Jill went on to earn a degree in Business Administration.

Her professional experiences reflect an ongoing commitment to helping women: from co-ordinating government training programs to her volunteer work in women’s shelters and teaching English in South Korea.

In her own words -

“I like to get an early start to the day by walking Mia, the Australian Shepherd & Duke, the ‘rather neurotic’ chocolate Lab. I am fascinated by what happens in the world from politics to pop culture so my evenings are usually spent with books, newspapers and magazines.
I love good food and am a fairly decent cook, but definitely self taught; as my mother never had the time or patience to teach me, but she did share the secrets of dressing and accessorizing well. My self-indulgences include fresh ground coffee, dark chocolate, red wine and pots of Earl Grey tea.”

It is -24 (did you notice the minus sign?) and 11:10am in Alberta; time to stop work and take a break. Stepping out of my office and into the living room I notice a power struggle for a prime piece of real estate, namely a slim section of the floor where the sun is warming the hardwood. There are two dogs and three cats all jockeying for their own little spot.

I step over this pile so that I can I turn on The View and catch a few minutes of the banter while the coffee is brewing. This is interesting the show is live from the Walt Disney studios and content is coming across like a Disney infomercial. Guess we know who is signing the paychecks.

What to have with my coffee? Now I pride myself on getting through menopause without HRT or any pharmaceuticals but wonder how successful I am as I take a good look in the frig.  There is a large bar of Cadburys’ Burnt Almond Dark, a bag of snack size Coffee Crisps, a box of European wafer cookies covered with chocolate and  perched on top of beloved’s box of insulin sits a tube of Droste’s extra dark chocolate pastilles. I think I need a support group.

The coffee is ready and I have cabin fever, as there is no trip to Figi in my immediate future and a client call in twenty minutes, I turn off what used to be The View, pour some coffee, break off several pieces from the burnt almond bar and open a copy of March Vogue.  What better way to cheer myself up than by looking at haute couture clothes that I cannot afford?