Posts Tagged ‘Baby Boomers’

In between the self-effacing attempts at humour and the ambiguous medical reports is a woman in menopause. I have used humour myself but the truth is, it is not all that funny.  No woman enjoys the  extreme mood swings, muddied thinking, hot flashes, and assorted other symptoms that ebb and flow over a span of years. Not to mention the affect that fluctuating hormones is having on our intimate relationships.

I am not asking for drugs, quite the contrary if you look in my medicine cabinet you would die from boredom.  There is a jar of Vicks, pills for my Afib and some Bufferin.
It is the fact that nine years into the 21st century I would have expected more in the way of unbiased research and possible options.

Hormone therapy has been a roller coaster of benefits vs risks since the ‘60s this all culminated in 2002 with the Women’s Health Initiative study. Controversy continues to swirl around drugs such as Premarin and Prempro not the least of which is how it is obtained from pregnant mares’ urine.

Understandably weary of the whole HT approach of “we’ll get it right, even if we just lower the risks to your overall good health”; women started to look to the bioidentical option that has became part of the menopause fray. Suzanne Somers and Robin McGraw have marketed themselves as part of the next big menopause solution package. This is also equally unnerving.  I mean you are probably lovely ladies (call me we’ll do lunch) but in reality you are just baby boomer women; the difference is you have the money and resources to get books published and garner media hype. However you are not experts in any field.

My concern is that menopause is quickly becoming another money making health condition. Once it reaches that status we the real women of menopause; will never be offered anything more than quick fixes, snake oil scams, self-help fluff and pharmaceutical companies trying to ‘cure’ us. Or are we already there?

I have recently read a number of articles by women who write that they suddenly feel invisible. They are the ‘beautiful’ women who had a somewhat charmed life; one in which they were accustomed to getting attention and being admired. For the rest of us there were different life lessons. How to walk into a room with confidence, what clothes work, the importance of being self-assured  and that with a handshake, warm smile and eye contact you can connect with anyone. Over the years we didn’t just survive but we thrived and succeeded.

I want to remind those ‘invisible’ women; we are not the generation that ‘goes quietly into the night’.  So shoulders back, head up and find your articulate midlife voice. I am not invisible in stores,  people listen when I speak and last time I was in Starbucks I had a very engaging conversation with a young man when we both reached for the stirsticks at the same time, mind you it was a very good hair day.

They’re out there, lurking at reunions, springing up at cocktail parties, possibly in your own living room and the numbers are growing expeditiously every year, they are The Reminiscer.

While usually around 45 or older and quite normal in appearance, conversation can be limited and often leaves you craving a milkshake or something much stronger.

Here are the signs that you have encountered The Reminiscer.

1. When invited to a costume party they have to look no further than their closet for a poodle skirt or bell bottoms.

2. Sentences usually start with “Do you remember when………… or “When I was…………”

3. Their knowledge of music ended around 1968. Some haven’t read a newspaper since then either.

4. You mention last nights episode of Heroes and they come back with the highlights from the Doo Wop revival on PBS.

5. If they have a computer they use it to forward jokes or to email you that Fleetwood Mac is having a reunion tour.

6. On their coffee table is a copy  of their high school year book and its’ not dusty.

While I can get as dewy eyed as the next midlifer when I hear the Righteous Bothers’ Unchained Melody I also happen to like Katy Perry’s, I Kissed a Girl. I think that I will keep my life balanced between Woodstock and Twitter, for me that is what makes life interesting.

The time has come for change and to me Barack and Michelle Obama embody the 21st century’s Renaissance.  It is the natural order of the world that the days of baby boomer diplomacy and leadership are starting to come to an end. Some have said that President Obama is too cool, quips too much and is not reassuring enough. Actually his manner is saying that a head of state being a comforting and cardiganed Mr. Rogers type of leader or as seen more recently the secretive and John Wayne type is not only outdated but ineffectual.

This next generation of leaders has a technology enhanced worldview, logical pattern of thought and unemotional approach to the issues. Qualities that will enable them to clean out the dust and cobwebs of where we have failed and to modernize what is no longer working.

Barack and Michelle Obama are taking the world stage with their trademark quick intellect and unruffled elegance that make them stand out amongst their somewhat tired & frazzled counterparts.

Even Queen Elizabeth, who has been welcoming US presidents since Harry Truman, appeared warm and relaxed at the first meeting. When Michelle embraced the royal presence, instead of  roaring ‘off with her head’ she smiled, briefly reciprocated and apparently suggested that they “keep in touch”.

On a similar trip taken in 1961, John Kennedy said “I am the man who accompanied Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris, and I have enjoyed it.” I think that at the end of this trip President Obama’s statement would be “I and Michelle have enjoyed our time here and I am glad that you like and admire my wife and partner as much as I do.”

The Obama’s day ended with a dinner at 10 Downing Street. this apparantly takes the form of the leaders in one dining room and the spouses in the other. I wonder if this is a throw back to Victorian society when the hostess said ‘Shall we leave the gentlemen to their cigars and port, ladies and go into the drawing room for tea” or merely protocol?  Whatever the reasoning I would have loved to heard what was being said at both dinner tables as they dined on Jamie Olivier’s menu of organic salmon and shoulder of lamb from Wales.

There is nothing like travel to provide fodder for my observations on life. It easily starts with the fascinating people at the airport. I know that nowadays comfort is key but to that couple in the grey sweats and over sized tee shirts from some local restaurant did you suddenly decide to go on vacation on the way to clearing out the basement? And don’t even get me started on a few folks wearing PJ bottoms, I know it was an early flight but!

When we are away husband & I try to satisfy our $30- on the slot machines gambling problem in some anonymous town somewhere. While the advertising for casinos always shows happy, glamorous people in reality everyone looks serious and slightly desperate. While leaving a hotel casino $45 poorer I also noticed that no matter what province or state the red stained carpets are identical; is there a ‘Casino Carpet R Us’ that they all use?

By far though restaurants are the best places for people watching. During a leisurely lunch of perfectly chilled Chablis and a really tasty piece of salmon, I was aware of how the women were appraising each other in a manner that was reminiscent of those high school cafeteria days, only now the cheerleader, shy girl and track & field star is all grown up.

Over by the window is popular girl who has married into the country club/tennis set. She has the sweater tied around her shoulders, Hermes bag and is sporting some very expensive jewelry. In the corner with numerous family members is the cookie baking, loves her role as a grandmother type – not sure who she was in high school. Probably did well in home economics which is a class I hated. She is actually wearing her sweater, it has some sort of motif on it and she is finished off with comfortable stretchy pants. Sipping tea & honey is the forever young, still diggin’ it, 60′s love child embracing the long flowing skirt, silver & turquoise jewelry and her grey locks haven’t seen a hairdresser since 1984. We all silently but collectively hate track & field girl because she is into cycling now and is buff and tanned. She has just walked in with a man who looks like Richard Gere, so no one even cares about what she is wearing.

Who am I in the room? I was quiet library girl, now Life Coach on holiday with eclectic taste in clothes. I am wearing the J Crew chino pants, a v-neck black top that fits me in all the right places, an art deco necklace, gold earrings and leather loafers (in an eye catching shade of light green) that are  comfortable and stylish. I also never go anywhere without half of my office and a good book so handbags are not really feasible which is why I own an assortment of tote bags. This trip it was Eddie Bauer’s canvas & leather tote.

Whatever one’s individual look may be the truly great thing about being over forty is that we can be whomever we want to be. However I don’t think that I’ll be wearing my favorite sleepshirt to the airport anytime soon.

Overall I throughly enjoyed the book. It was a little offputting sometimes as she goes back and forth in order to cover a multitude of people and events. While not as well written in as one might have expected, the pages do pull you into their singularly quirky flow especially when you realize that she writes in the same style as she speaks. The reader is taken behnd the scenes of her life and a litany of events that are fascinating and relevant. Then, suddenly on page 391 (hardcover edition) she writes ‘I think that is enough about my personal life’ and firmly shuts the door. It’s not as though we are voyeurs as it was Ms. Walters herself who invited us in. Up to that point her words had been candid and sincere as she interwove her complicated personal and professional life with the headlines that made up the fabric of her remarkable career.

What is written after that statement reads more like a series of essays, albeit interesting essays but very structured never the less. Even the chapter titles become terse. I finished the book but was less enthusiastic; I felt perplexed as though the most interesting guest had abruptly left my dinner party just as we were about to have dessert and coffee.

For readers who have an interest in the stories behind ‘the story’ this is the memoir for you. And for any female who wants to know more about this media icon “Audition” is well worth your time.

On Jan 4th I wrote a post on my favorite and not so favorite things of ’07 and Elizabeth Gilbert’s “eat. pray, love” got a mention on both lists.

Pro: “I do like her sense of humor and she is honest about herself.”
Con: “Am I the only woman who finds Elizabeth Gilbert somewhat whiny and self-absorbed? I’ve been divorced and traveled alone without all that sobbing and need to please.”

Well, upon more thought the pro statement is a bit insipid and as for the con I seem to be holding back maybe because she had been Oprahized! Time has however revealed that I am not alone in my less than glowing review of her book and I not going to be asked to leave the midlife sisterhood….Whew!

Here is a link to one article in particular “Pray tell: Is Elizabeth Gilbert self-absorbed or truth seeker?” by Carol Memmott USA Today. There are also some interesting comments attached.

Why is this capturing our attention? Probably because it speaks to something larger. It makes us look at how we feel and who we are as women over 40. We are examining where we have been, where we are now and more importantly where we want the road to take us for the next 40 years.

I haven’t finished the book yet, which in itself tells me something because when I love a book I devour it quickly! So far there are two things I know for sure. One, like many of you out there I have a version of being on the bathroom floor. For me I sunk to the floor in my kitchen and it was many years ago. But it happened one time and then I stood up and said “You’ve made some mistakes Jill, rectify them and move forward.” Two, I cannot cling to things or people when it is over because it is over – move on. OK, there is a third thing – that while some of Richards advice is sound, to allow someone to continually refer to you as “Groceries” goes beyond cute, occasional nickname into the realm of complete lack of self-respect and (or) no ability to set healthy boundaries with people.

I hope to hear your thoughts and I promise that I will finish the book ASAP. Perhaps the ‘love’ part in Bali will bring it together for me or maybe not!

Least Favorite from ’07

1. Media obsession with silly, spoilt girls called Paris, Brittany, Lindsey. There are so many women out there who are actually making a difference in the world it is a shame there was no room left to write about them.

2. “eat, pray, love” - Am I the only woman who finds Elizabeth Gilbert somewhat whiny and self-absorbed? I’ve been divorced and traveled alone without all that sobbing and need to please.

3. Screw caps on good wine – I miss the sense of ritual when there is no cork to pull out of a bottle of wine. It speaks to the need for a quiet moment in a busy day. Such as the time we take to make a pot of tea or to grind coffee beans for a really good cup of coffee.

Favorites

1. Web 2.0 – I like the new networking opportunities that websites such as Facebook provide. If used properly & carefully they are a good way to connect with new people and re-connect with former acquaintances.

2. An old friend returns – There is another side to the tech loving me and that is the part of me that needs Austen, Bronte, Thackeray, Masterpiece Theater and all things from a different time in history . So I was pleased when I found Victoria Magazine back on the newsstands this November. Visit their website: Victoriamag.com

3. “eat, pray, love” – I do like her sense of humor and she is honest about herself.

4. Al Gore: He put the issues surrounding global warming out there in such a way that it can no longer be ignored on any level from governments to the person in the street.

5. Hillary Clinton - My coaching advice (I think all political campaigns could use a common sense life coach on staff). You didn’t win the Iowa Caucus but don’t counter with a negative campaign instead challenge the platforms of your opponents, put them in the position where they must be more specific about their campaign promises. You have done well positioning yourself within your roles now do the same by presenting a clear picture of your professional background and experiences.

6. Shopping:

Amazon – Their used books are well priced and good quality

Victoria’s Secret - Cotton panties 5@$25-. Wish that they hadn’t decided to make the waist band narrower however.

Starbucks – Starting to collect their mugs, they should sell them in sets for a reasonable(!) price

Candles – I love the growing availability of healthy candles made of soy or beeswax.

7. More Magazine – It continues to present articles, fashion, travel, everything with the 40+ woman in mind.