It seems as though we were just celebrating the arrival of a new century and here we are a decade into it. 

In 2010 Jill Crossland Coaching grew in the way that I had engineered, veering away from life coaching and taking on more business clients, an unexpected plus was working with male entrepreneurs. This works well as not all women like my direct and down to earth coaching style. As I said to one female client last month ”You don’t pay me to agree with you.”

TimeFinders Magazine is looking for a new name that better encapsulates its broad demographic with the common denominators of being a woman with a business, family and personal life. Contest details can be found at the bottom of the home page.

In 2010 I became part of  The Nuttermother online book club because I wanted to broaden my book choices; while I didn’t read every book the ones I choose took me  away from my usual genres. If you haven’t done so already I recommend that you read Little Bee and The Help before taking on the latest crop of bestsellers. Little Bee brings you face to face with the question what would you do in a life and death moment. While also looking at the possible actions of a significant other if they were there beside you.

The Help should be read before the movie comes out in August of this year. I am not convinced that Hollywood will do justice to the subtle nuances of both the characters and the time in which they live. I would have preferred to see the story brought to life through an HBO or PBS”s Masterpiece Contemporary production.  By the way if you were a fan of Upstairs, Downstairs new episodes are being broadcast in April.

Last years crop of  mainstream TV shows had very few bright spots apart from The Good Wife and Blue Bloods; both shows have a strong cast and well written story lines. For me The Walking Dead was just another zombie show only with a better cast and script then usually accompanies this type of entertainment. Whatever your entertainment preference is it is important to carve out time to relax. 

Every January I encourage clients to avoid the vicious circle of resolutions and instead we work on setting realistic goals and format a plan to find personalized solutions to problems. It is best to stay away from the one size fits all answers to life’s challenges. The National Post had another approach in their article “Instead of resolutions why not try solutions?”. The first thing that I have done was to purchase the new Blackberry Torch this weekend in the hopes of being a bit more efficient when out and about. Now to find the time to set it up to meet my specifications.

I haven’t mentioned the dogs in awhile. Mia is as lovely and easy going as always. She is enjoying the dog park that the town has finally opened. Neurotic Duke was really good  at the park for a couple of weeks but then suddenly started to be grumpy with the others dogs so we had to make the decision to stop taking him. That’s my boy, always a challenge no matter how old he gets.

I hope that you continue to drop by Life Deco and I will endeavor to stay current in my writings. Happy New Year!

Spirituality and religion are entities that I tend to analyze; never quite sure how they fit in my worldview. I also find it fascinating that as women we once lived lives influenced by the moon cycles, ran homes steeped in seasonal rituals, were both healer and keeper of ancient family stories and traditions.  

Today December 21st is Winter Solstice and it is steeped in female folklore:

Women and the Moon

Celebrating Winter Solstice is a bit long but interesting

As a coach I often hear women say that there is an emptiness or void inside of them and perhaps the key to filling that lies in a re-connection with our past. An untamed beach with waves crashing in powerful harmony speaks to my ancient Anglo-Saxon self. And is probably the closest to a spiritual experience that I have known to date.

As a New Year begins our ancestry may hold unexpected revelations about ourselves. The success of 2011 is in the soil between your fingers as you plant herbs, a mountain climbing expedition or returning to the religion of your childhood.    

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

1) The first written record of this sport dates back to 712. Cleaning Up Sumo by Hannah Beech/Saitama Sakae

Two Interesting Women

2) Dr. Hawa Abdi – Heroic, Female and Muslim by Nicholas D. Kristof

3) The perfume business is not all roses especially for perfumer Patricia de Nicolai, Scent of a Woman by Nathalie Atkinson

Recently I read an opinion piece by Barbara Yaffe entitled  PM’s wife stepping out of the shadows then I check the top of the newspaper to make sure I hadn’t regressed in time. The repetitious ‘wife of’ along with phrases such as ‘becoming chatelaine of 24 Sussex avenue’ & ‘highly judicious manner’ had the role of the PM’s wife playing out like a political version of Father Knows Best.

While the US title for the president’s spouse of First Lady is not great; it has definition and in that capacity she does have the support and lee way to define the role and subsequent contributions during the President’s term.

Compare Michelle Obama  on the White House website to Lauren Harper on the Prime Minister’s of Canada website. For balance we can look at the more traditional first lady, Laura Bush and what she accomplished during her years in the White House.

What is keeping the Prime Minister’s wives from fulfilling the potential of their position? Is it an outdated political protocol in Ottawa, type casting by the press or the personality types of the wives themselves? 

One day a Canadian first lady will give that role the depth that it deserves; which is not as the article suggests about being a media personality nor is it about enhancing a husband’s political image. It is recognizing the opportunity to make a difference, leave an imprint in Canadian history and when the children ask what did you do while daddy was Prime Minister the answer is not going to be “Making sure that no one noticed me”.

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

Instead of An Interesting Woman I thought that I would end the year with a few good men and the choices may surprise you.

1. There is little doubt that the old style of politics is gradually and thankfully becoming a thing of the past. Today’s young politicians like Newark’s new mayor are running their cities from the streets. Is Cory Booker the Greatest Mayor in America? by Lucy Kaylin makes you believe in the future of some of America’s defunct cities.

2. South Africa no longer has the wisdom and steady hand of two of its most revered statesmen. In October at the age of 79 Archbishop Desmond Tutu retired. Nelson Mandela is 92 and November of this year his foundation asked that the public allow him to have a peaceful retirement.  

3. At number four is the often abrasive, sometimes inarticulate Prince Charles. Recently interviewed by Brain Williams there is no doubt that above all else he has accomplished a lot through The Prince’s Charities and has been a visionary when it comes to  the environment and organic farming.

Funny how you can plan a week to go one way but life has a different plan. Just one of the unexpected bumps was chocolate lab Duke became ill. In spite of the amazing strides that we have made with this rescue dog his chronic anxiety is never far from the surface, that along with the fact that he is getting old led to a bad bout of acute gastritis. Translated this means a week of cleaning up dog vomit.

Anyway thanks to his amazing vet clinic we are on the road to recovery. I am grateful that the Animal Care Centre, here is Strathmore treats the whole dog – body, mind and spirit. As well as medications we went home on Friday with something called a D.A.P. Collar it releases pheromones which apparently produced wonderful results in helping to calm stressed dogs. We will see.

What I had planned to write about this week was India; a key part of President Obama’s 10 day Asia trip. The world is paying  a lot of attention to this country and for more reasons than it being a source of call centers for overseas companies. The President has announced a 20 new trade deals that included such institutional companies as GE, Harley-Davidson and Boeing

This year the week of Diwali– the Hindu Festival of Lights falls from November 3rd to 7th.  In the same way that Hollywood releases movies to coincide with the holiday season this is the week that Bollywood does the same. It has not been the banner year that India’s film makers had planned on so they are hoping that Bollywood can go global.

Keep an eye on this part of the world as globalization stands to not only improve the economy but will make us richer in our cultural perceptions.

In high school I fell into the ‘not’ group not athletic, not cute, not artistic, not particularly scholastic. As my parents travelled a lot I was also the new girl.  Needless to say I was on the receiving end of unkind comments and jabs. Bullying didn’t have the virtual element back then but being the intended target of weak and insensitive people is painful. 

I came out of childhood with a strong sense of my own individuality. Conformists bored me back then and still do today. People with a well developed sense of self ; will dine alone, visit countries as travellers not tourists, don’t have perfect faces and are really interesting to talk to.   

Recently I got a chance to sit down and watch Avatar. It amazed me that one man could create this other world with such attention to detail. I wondered about James Cameron; was his childhood lived through his imagination or was he a jock? As bullying reaches a near crisis point this is the time when the heads of companies, scientists, artists, writers should come out and say “I didn’t belong to a popular group. I was the kid standing alone in the playground, the boy who loved to dance or the quiet girl reading in the corner of the library.” 

We need to get the message out that being unique and different is ok. That it is often the loner who best leaves their distinctive mark on the world.

I like people but I also need my alone time which according to recent findings is going to lead to my early demise. Studies are becoming increasingly insistent that the more you interact with family, friends and co-workers the happier and healthy you are mentally and physically. One even went on to say that perhaps the medical profession may want to make some recommendations if a patient seems to be solitary. Prescription to read ‘meet two friends and call me in the morning’. 

Some of us enjoy being by ourselves and don’t feel lonely nor are we in a state of inertia. We are of a personality type that need quiet time to de-stress and decompress. Which logically means being healthier.

Humans need peace and quiet so that creativity, problem solving and even healing can take place. I recently spoke with a client who had suffered a great loss; she admitted that what was wearing her out at this point was not the bereavement but the lack of time to herself. As well meaning friends and family kept calling and dropping by, she was trapped in a place of their need to comfort her.  

Today’s society is over stimulated; requiring constant connection with something or someone. We are also passing this onto the next generation. In truth when we do embark on a friendship or relationship its growth and richness is nurtured by the fact that the individuals involved are self-sufficient, self-reliant and capable of autonomous thought. 

I was thinking this morning while alone in the shower that we are fortunate Mozart didn’t spend all his time in coffee houses with his BFFs or Virginia Woolf wasn’t busy dazzling her followers on Twitter or she may never have written A Room of One’s Own which ironically is based on the premise that ‘A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction’ .

My inspiration to write this post came from:  I’m denying your friend request by Marni Soupcoff, National Post

A New Risk Factor: Your Social Life by Tara Parker-Pope, The New York Times

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

1) Two Summer Movies for grown-ups 

Hidden among Despicable Me and The Twilight Sage:Eclipse are two cinema gems that you may have overlooked. Both are worthy of a stolen afternoon in a cool movie theatre and some buttered popcorn.    

The Extra Man

The Kids Are Alright

2) Warriors in Pink 

India’s gang of vigilante women are striking fear in the hearts of wrongdoers and earning the grudging respect of officials.

3) High Line Park, NY

From historic railway yards founded in 1930 to a functioning public park, it is a fascinating journey.

The Forgotten Garden has been compared to Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Secret Garden; even author Kate Morton writes veiled references to it in her book. If you expect that quality of narrative and characters you will be disappointed. However if you are looking for the perfect summer read that will whisper “make a glass of ice tea and take me outside for half an hour” this is the book for you.

The story has a charm that takes one from page to page effortlessly. The lives of Nell, Cassandra and Eliza weave around you as their stories unfold in three different time periods.

Morton also wrote some interesting male characters in Linus and Nathaniel and it is a shame that she didn’t allow them to play a more pivotal role in the story line especially as it drew to an end. Linus in particular would have made the conclusion more affective. Instead the ending was predictable and the last few pages insipid but you are so engaged by that point you suffer through the harlequin style dialogue between Christian and Cassandra. I get the romance but Christian was not crucial to the plot that we have been following for over 500 pages.

A woman’s search to find her real family, fascinating fairy tales and a walled garden at the end of a maze all play a key role in everyone’s lives. Underneath all this is the question “How is home defined?” It is the place where we are born? The house that we return to at the end of the day?  Is it being with family or that certain someone? Will one unexpectedly discover home while travelling?  As the book illustrates we know when we have found home, but we don’t know where or even how it may come into our lives.

Kate Morton talks about her book.

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

1 – An Interesting Woman:  Maria Gunnoe
When you fight a big company, a town and a way of life the danger to one’s self and your family is real. Maria Gunnoe took on the big coal industry in Appalachia. Coal Country Crusade by Tamara Jones/More Magazine  

2 - Nine of the most amazing bookstores in the world  from The Huffington Post

3 - American Theatre Wing
An in depth look at what is playing on and off Broadway and behind the scenes.

Migraines are an ailment onto themselves. You get your full blown, you want to die ones. There is the mid-sized ‘I may make you take to a dark room, close to a toilet and not let you sleep or I might go away’ level and last is the mini migraine that I have had for awhile; the head pain is nagging and constant and your stomach is queasy but you can function. 

Unfortunately though I choose this weekend to watch Shutter Island with  Leonardo DiCaprio; not knowing that it has a very vivid scene that triggers a migraine for his character. That managed to kick my symptoms up a notch. I wonder too if anyone else finds that some of the commercials for migraine medication leaves them feeling slightly unwell?

Needless to say all this has left me quite ineloquent so let’s get to our …………..

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

1) A good nights sleep can be so illusive; two very busy women HuffPost’s Arianna Huffington and Glamour‘s Cindi Leive decided to embark on a month long Sleep Challenge 2010 and they blogged about its successes and failures.

Huffington Post’s version

Glamour’s Posts

2) An Interesting Woman: Gayla Trail

Gayla Trail is a writer, photographer, and graphic designer. She is the creator of the popular gardening project, You Grow Girl and the author of You Grow Girl: The Groundbreaking Guide to Gardening as well as an in-demand gardening personality and spokesperson with a focus on urban gardening, growing food, sustainable living, and community. Her own line of pithy gardening products

O magazine recently featured Gayla in How to grow your own herbs 

3) Afganistan remains a paradox as these three reports illustrate

Afghan women swap burqas for police uniforms By Daphne Benoit

Lyse Doucet reports on the Afghan women jailed for bad character 

A garden can be much more that than it seems Growing gardens, independence and esteem by Terry Glavin