The flow of this memoir is however uneven. Fong Bates has a wonderful way with words as illustrated in her more descriptive passages. Had she turned that deft talent to allowed us to get to know her and the relatives that she encountered in more depth the book would have been richer and ultimately more fulfilling. Instead there are sketchy bits about this and that person and as for the author she is an aloof and withdrawn narrator.

It is not easy to recognize that our parents were ‘people’ first. They loved and hated, laughed and cried, succeeded and failed all before they became a mother or father. For someone who went to China openly seeking her father’s story’ Fong Bates’ comes across as surprising judgemental of the truths as they reveal themselves.

The book is a quick read, enjoyable and interesting but it is not up to the gushing reviews that some have written. Jan Wong in The National Post writes a well balanced review.

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

1) I had never given much thought to the notes scribbled in the margins of books until I read about Professor Jackson and her two decades of researching ‘marginalia’. From the sidelines by Kathryn Blaze Carlson

2) It takes a team to successfully find the right home for a foster child and St. Loius is paving the way to proving that;  Foster Care: Extreme Edition by Curtis Sittenfeld

3) Curl up with a second mug of coffee and be prepared to view some of the worlds greatest art collections;  Google Art Project

© Jill Crossland for Life Deco, 2011. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: book margins, China, foster care, Gold Mountain, google art project, Judy Fong Bates

I had an English upbringing; a child rearing style that lacked in spontaneous hugging and trips to amusement parks; along with a zero tolerance for whining and not eating one’s vegetables. There were rules and there was discipline. On the other side of the coin talking things through and being heard was only a cup of tea away.  I was loved in that ‘we are here when you need us, always do your best, try everything once and treat people with respect’ way.

The world’s children can not be bought up in a universally approved homogenized process. Cultural differences in raising a family shouldn’t bring with it an assumption that being strict translates into an absence of humour or love.

Maintaining a steady grade average, taking part in carefully chosen extra curricular activities as well as learning good manners, deference to personal boundaries and self-reliance aren’t old fashioned they make for a well adjusted adult. Without these traits many of today’s ready to enter the work force young adults are about to learn that the world doesn’t have time for their poor inter-personal and communication skills, inability to empathize and over inflated sense of self.

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

Continuing our look at the younger generation …………

1) Peggy Orenstein’s Cinderella Ate My Daughter. To purchase amazon.com

2) Before heading off to college some students are going out into the world to expereince adventure and  volunteerism. Is the gap year worth it? by Sean Gregory

3) Can Google Earth enhance the reading experience for students? What the Joads Saw by Vanessa Farquharson

© Jill Crossland for Life Deco, 2011. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: child rearing, gap years, google earth, peggy orenstein, tiger moms

Today December 21st is Winter Solstice and it is steeped in female folklore:

Women and the Moon

Celebrating Winter Solstice is a bit long but interesting

As a coach I often hear women say that there is an emptiness or void inside of them and perhaps the key to filling that lies in a re-connection with our past. An untamed beach with waves crashing in powerful harmony speaks to my ancient Anglo-Saxon self. And is probably the closest to a spiritual experience that I have known to date.

As a New Year begins our ancestry may hold unexpected revelations about ourselves. The success of 2011 is in the soil between your fingers as you plant herbs, a mountain climbing expedition or returning to the religion of your childhood.    

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

1) The first written record of this sport dates back to 712. Cleaning Up Sumo by Hannah Beech/Saitama Sakae

Two Interesting Women

2) Dr. Hawa Abdi – Heroic, Female and Muslim by Nicholas D. Kristof

3) The perfume business is not all roses especially for perfumer Patricia de Nicolai, Scent of a Woman by Nathalie Atkinson

© Jill Crossland for Life Deco, 2010. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Dr Hawa Abdi, folklore, Patricia de Nicolai, religion, spirituality, sumo wrestling, winter solstice

While the US title for the president’s spouse of First Lady is not great; it has definition and in that capacity she does have the support and lee way to define the role and subsequent contributions during the President’s term.

Compare Michelle Obama  on the White House website to Lauren Harper on the Prime Minister’s of Canada website. For balance we can look at the more traditional first lady, Laura Bush and what she accomplished during her years in the White House.

What is keeping the Prime Minister’s wives from fulfilling the potential of their position? Is it an outdated political protocol in Ottawa, type casting by the press or the personality types of the wives themselves? 

One day a Canadian first lady will give that role the depth that it deserves; which is not as the article suggests about being a media personality nor is it about enhancing a husband’s political image. It is recognizing the opportunity to make a difference, leave an imprint in Canadian history and when the children ask what did you do while daddy was Prime Minister the answer is not going to be “Making sure that no one noticed me”.

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

Instead of An Interesting Woman I thought that I would end the year with a few good men and the choices may surprise you.

1. There is little doubt that the old style of politics is gradually and thankfully becoming a thing of the past. Today’s young politicians like Newark’s new mayor are running their cities from the streets. Is Cory Booker the Greatest Mayor in America? by Lucy Kaylin makes you believe in the future of some of America’s defunct cities.

2. South Africa no longer has the wisdom and steady hand of two of its most revered statesmen. In October at the age of 79 Archbishop Desmond Tutu retired. Nelson Mandela is 92 and November of this year his foundation asked that the public allow him to have a peaceful retirement.  

3. At number four is the often abrasive, sometimes inarticulate Prince Charles. Recently interviewed by Brain Williams there is no doubt that above all else he has accomplished a lot through The Prince’s Charities and has been a visionary when it comes to  the environment and organic farming.

© Jill Crossland for Life Deco, 2010. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Cory Booker, Laura Bush, Lauren Harper, Michelle Obama, Prince Charles

Some of us enjoy being by ourselves and don’t feel lonely nor are we in a state of inertia. We are of a personality type that need quiet time to de-stress and decompress. Which logically means being healthier.

Humans need peace and quiet so that creativity, problem solving and even healing can take place. I recently spoke with a client who had suffered a great loss; she admitted that what was wearing her out at this point was not the bereavement but the lack of time to herself. As well meaning friends and family kept calling and dropping by, she was trapped in a place of their need to comfort her.  

Today’s society is over stimulated; requiring constant connection with something or someone. We are also passing this onto the next generation. In truth when we do embark on a friendship or relationship its growth and richness is nurtured by the fact that the individuals involved are self-sufficient, self-reliant and capable of autonomous thought. 

I was thinking this morning while alone in the shower that we are fortunate Mozart didn’t spend all his time in coffee houses with his BFFs or Virginia Woolf wasn’t busy dazzling her followers on Twitter or she may never have written A Room of One’s Own which ironically is based on the premise that ‘A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction’ .

My inspiration to write this post came from:  I’m denying your friend request by Marni Soupcoff, National Post

A New Risk Factor: Your Social Life by Tara Parker-Pope, The New York Times

With Your Biscotti & Coffee

1) Two Summer Movies for grown-ups 

Hidden among Despicable Me and The Twilight Sage:Eclipse are two cinema gems that you may have overlooked. Both are worthy of a stolen afternoon in a cool movie theatre and some buttered popcorn.    

The Extra Man

The Kids Are Alright

2) Warriors in Pink 

India’s gang of vigilante women are striking fear in the hearts of wrongdoers and earning the grudging respect of officials.

3) High Line Park, NY

From historic railway yards founded in 1930 to a functioning public park, it is a fascinating journey.

© Jill Crossland for Life Deco, 2010. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Brigham Young research, health, high line park, Mozart, New York, personality types, Virginia Woolf, warrriors in pink