Archive for the ‘Midlife’ Category

First, let me say I admire what you have accomplished, I really do. Recently though it seems that you want to save the world. You take us to task on our soul’s, our cluttered homes, our colons and even our comfortable grey sweats (I’m maybe ok there, I wear yoga pants in my off duty hours) and now a reality show?

I also wondered if you had noticed that you often talk over your guests and don’t let them finish their sentences? You really don’t need to Oprahize everything, your show used to be a platform for new thoughts and forms of expression. I expect to read in the newspaper one morning that you have started your own small country.

And I am going to say it if no one else will, the continuous ‘money cannot buy happiness’ from a perfectly groomed billionaire (and I am loving the hair this year) with the expensive outfit is wearing just a little thin. At forty/fifty something we get it; we are now wise enough to know that money can provide opportunity if managed wisely. Perhaps if we too were able to wake up in a beautiful (uncluttered) bedroom without the ‘living in the real world’ worry of stretching our resources as far as possible, we would be able to sagely nod our perfectly styled heads while analyzing the potential spiritual pitfalls of wealth.

I realize that I don’t have to watch your show but I keep hoping that you will return to what you do best. By the way, did you read in the business section that Starbucks, has realized that they have gotten too far from their roots and now have gone back to perfecting the art of preparing a good cup of espresso?

Here are a couple more points of view on Lady O.

“Dear Oprah Winfrey, Please Cut Me Some Slack ” from The Best Kept Secret Blog

“Guess I’m a Shlumpadinka………..so what” from the MidLife Maze Blog

Least Favorite from ‘07

1. Media obsession with silly, spoilt girls called Paris, Brittany, Lindsey. There are so many women out there who are actually making a difference in the world it is a shame there was no room left to write about them.

2. “eat, pray, love” - Am I the only woman who finds Elizabeth Gilbert somewhat whiny and self-absorbed? I’ve been divorced and traveled alone without all that sobbing and need to please.

3. Screw caps on good wine – I miss the sense of ritual when there is no cork to pull out of a bottle of wine. It speaks to the need for a quiet moment in a busy day. Such as the time we take to make a pot of tea or to grind coffee beans for a really good cup of coffee.

Favorites

1. Web 2.0 – I like the new networking opportunities that websites such as Facebook provide. If used properly & carefully they are a good way to connect with new people and re-connect with former acquaintances.

2. An old friend returns – There is another side to the tech loving me and that is the part of me that needs Austen, Bronte, Thackeray, Masterpiece Theater and all things from a different time in history . So I was pleased when I found Victoria Magazine back on the newsstands this November. Visit their website: Victoriamag.com

3. “eat, pray, love” – I do like her sense of humor and she is honest about herself.

4. Al Gore: He put the issues surrounding global warming out there in such a way that it can no longer be ignored on any level from governments to the person in the street.

5. Hillary Clinton - My coaching advice (I think all political campaigns could use a common sense life coach on staff). You didn’t win the Iowa Caucus but don’t counter with a negative campaign instead challenge the platforms of your opponents, put them in the position where they must be more specific about their campaign promises. You have done well positioning yourself within your roles now do the same by presenting a clear picture of your professional background and experiences.

6. Shopping:

Amazon – Their used books are well priced and good quality

Victoria’s Secret - Cotton panties 5@$25-. Wish that they hadn’t decided to make the waist band narrower however.

Starbucks – Starting to collect their mugs, they should sell them in sets for a reasonable(!) price

Candles – I love the growing availability of healthy candles made of soy or beeswax.

7. More Magazine – It continues to present articles, fashion, travel, everything with the 40+ woman in mind.

The discipline of writing something down, is the first step toward making it happen – Lee Iacocca

It was with that in mind that I read an interesting article on the growing trend of Life Lists. The writer was lamenting that she didn’t have time to do a life list, judging by her picture I would say that she was only thirty something. Maybe there are specific times in life when the list makes sense. As a mid-life coach, I am with Mr. Iacocca and think that writing a Mid-life List is important if we first want to ensure that we are headed in the right direction & second want to get a little closer to making those goals happen.

If you are not familiar with the term, it is a list of our life’s objectives and can be a blend of fun things, big things and stuff left over from childhood. There is even a life list web site 43 Things.com. Personally, I am not sure that I have the time, resources or energy for 43 things but I am going to get started on a list with a more feasible number.

I want to mention that on October 16th, Deborah Kerr died. No film library would be complete without ‘An Affair to Remember’, From Here to Eternity or even The King & I, to name a few. I like the fact that I cannot image her with a Blackberry in one hand and a Starbucks in the other. She epitomizes a different time; one of glamor & grace. Her classic movies when viewed from a comfy couch with favorite warm beverage for a couple of hours can have the effect of a mini vacation. Now there is an item for my list – 1. Schedule a guilt free Saturday afternoon to watch favorite old movies.

I hope that you share a few items from your list.

Friend and fellow Life Coach, Ellen Besso is currently on a journey through India.
Check out her blog, ‘A Midlife Woman’s Reflections on India’.

I want to point out that I had Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love” on my August 11th summer reading list before she was on the Oprah show. Unfortunately I haven’t had time to read it yet. Will post a review when I have.

It was all in all a good summer. We spent some time in Nova Scotia, checked on our house there and discussed upcoming renovations and construction plans with our contractor.

I am glad that Autumn is here as it is truly one of my favorite times of the year. Note that I use the word Autumn instead of Fall, it is so much more poetic. While most write glowing words about Spring and Summer; October is all about the changing colors, that wonderful ‘warm’ smell when the leaves have been on the ground for awhile, crisp apples, sunshine mixed with a faint chill – I love it all. Best of all favorite sweaters and throws can come to the forefront of my closets.

As the end of another year looms it is time also for professional analysis and change. Goals that we set in motion with the new year, really need to be brutally assessed. Are we on track, are they working and or do we need to change direction to some degree?

What is a bit disquieting is that all our planned intentions at home or work have an added intensity in these midlife years. Failure seems to be a luxury that we don’t have time for & everything has big picture consequences. This all brings the added challenge not to slip into an overly reflective or analytic way of thinking. Which is what I am in danger of doing here. So I had better get back to work.

We have all seen the game show ‘Wheel of Fortune’, someone spins and has no control on where the wheel stops. The life of a peri-menopausal woman is somewhat similar. Some mornings the wheel stops and you have actually slept more than 3 hours and you have no thoughts of killing the first person that looks at you the wrong way. It’s going to be a good day.

Then sometimes you land on that spot where you are itchy, irritable and feel as though all the moisture has been sucked out of your body from your dry eyes down to your vagina. There is even a few places on the wheel that don’t get talked about much – like the heightened sense of smell, headache verging on migraine and does anyone else land on nausea?

Not to say that I don’t get the $5000- days of energy, mental clarity bordering on genius and a sense that I can conquer the world or at least my corner of it. I can only hope that I get to stay there for awhile.

Making the right renovating decisions can be a challenge. The secret as I am discovering it is the reason why you are renovating. Our house about half an hour from Calgary is all about renovating with re-sale in mind. Upgrades being made that we can live with and that someone will see as adding value to the house.

The ‘why’ becomes more interesting when you are renovating around one’s working retirement house. That is all about what you want, your lifestyle and tastes. My aha! moment on that was the other week. The house in Nova Scotia has no upstairs bathroom so I have a clean slate to work with. Someone mentioned that I can install a nice, big bathtub. The only thing is I don’t like taking baths.

I am a long, hot shower girl. Showers have washed away the tears of a troubled first marriage and more than a few lost dreams, down the drain with the aches of too much time at the computer & the cobwebs from sleepless nights. So no the upstairs bedroom that is being converted into a bathroom will never see a bathtub but it will have a roomy shower stall and one of those big rain shower heads. That shower will wash away a new era of aches and dreams.

Ok, so with the money that I save on the bathtub, designing a library in the strange little area off the living room is looking like a plan.

As mentioned in a recent post the first step in a successful working retirement is the ‘where’.

We spent two weeks in the Maritimes this summer answering that very question. We are now the owners of 23 acres complete with woods, pond, creek, ducks, beautiful mature garden, barn, art studio and 1823 house in Nova Scotia.

It all needs some work but we have the four year plan before we move out there. The house’s potential is hidden under decades of renovations and I am excited to see what the contractor reveals when we strip it back.

While I happily shared pictures of the exterior and the grounds I didn’t let anyone see the interior as it looks now. You definitely have to be there to envision the casual elegance that I know is hidden beneath the old fashioned upgrades.

In the months to come I am going to follow the advice of the experts and collect magazine pictures of rooms that I like. The other part of the process that I am looking forward to is that because the resale component is not going to be a major consideration, when it comes to the design & decorating choices I can actually do things that reflect my personal taste, likes and lifestyle. Now that is going to be interesting.